Yawn

The New Orleans Hornets were the last hope for us fans of the underdog in this year's NBA playoffs. The day after the title-less Cavaliers were eliminated, the zero-championship Hornets failed to close out their series against the Spurs.

So now we're left with:

• The Celtics, who have won 16 titles -- though none since 1986. It's amazing to me that there are people who are old enough to drink and have never seen the Celtics win a championship. But they're still the Celtics, and I still generally want them to lose.
  
• The Lakers, who have won 15 championships, counting their days in Minneapolis. Their most recent title was in 2002, when the Shaq-n-Kobes swept the Nets to win their third straight title. They have won nine since moving to LA.
  
• The Spurs, who have won four in the last decade, including last year's sweep of the Cavs.
• The Pistons, who have five rings, including their time as the Fort Wayne Zollner Pistons. They have won three in Detroit, most recently in 2004. They lost the 2005 Finals to the Spurs.
  

I want them all to lose. That's impossible, of course. So I have no idea what to root for. Is it too late for a player strike? Can we cancel the rest of the playoffs, just because, you know, what's the point?

The only possible Finals matchup that's never happened before would be the Celtics and Spurs, simply because they've dominated different eras. Going for the less-recent winners would give us another stupid Celtics-Lakers series, all these years after Bird and Magic retired.

Depressing.